In Memorium

Friend Hank had been planning to stop here on Sunday night, on his way from a wedding in Phoenix to home in San Francisco.

He arrived late, and so we headed for Trilusa (described recently in these pages) for starters and drinks and called it dinner.

Hank worked with and loved Carolyn and George as well, and we decided that Hank would stay over until Tuesday AM, and then we would drive to Northern California together for the funeral.

We did that - 9 hours of shared driving is not all that much - arriving in Jackson (yes, those Jacksons were everywhere) in time for dinner at Mel's Diner.....

....no, I am not making the Jackson part up - see the sign in back of Hank's head...

Friend Suzanne (Suzanne was my mentor in the Bank of America, and was quite close to Carolyn and George, seeing them frequently in recent years.)....

.....Suzanne is battling Stage IV cancer as well, but I thought she looked terrific, and was thrilled that she had made the drive up from San Francisco to give Carolyn some support.  (I think I have convinced her to do another road trip this summer to Vancouver - perhaps it was the promise of the best dim sum on the planet that clinched the deal!)

That's George on the monitor, looking just like George.

Some thoughts about the funeral.  There was an open casket.  I understand that this is done so that people can say their last goodbyes and get some "closure" (god, I hate that word).  I found it unsettling myself.  When David died - 10 years ago - the first thing I wanted to do was to get rid of all the evidence of his illness - the hoist to lift him to the wheelchair, the wheelchair itself, the special bed to prevent bed sores, the diapers, the ramps, all of it.  I wanted to remember David as he was, vibrant and alive and striding down the street like the conqueror of the world.  I didn't want to remember him as tired and frail.

George too was vibrant and funny and never still for a moment.  That is how I would like to remember him, not the old frail man lying in the casket.

The service itself was a reminder, if one was needed, that one never really knows anyone else.  Three of George's many grandchildren spoke, as did a daughter, and a member of the submariner group to which he belonged and the hospital where he volunteered.  All reflected a different side of George, and all were different from the George I knew.

When I was (purportedly) dying in the hospital in 1997, George happened to be working in Washington State.  He took the time to come across the border to visit, bringing a huge stuffed cat.  That cat, much to the chagrin of the nursing staff, never left my side until I left the hospital; indeed, I still have it (one of the stuffed animals that made the cull of downsizing last summer).  While he was there, he made me laugh so hard it hurt my (already sore) lungs.

That is the George I will remember.

Below, Hank in a sports jacket and tie....

It has been quite some time since I saw him so attired (since banking days, I think, or maybe the last family wedding) so I thought I would memorialize it.  Probably more such sitings in our future though; it is the season of our lives for funerals I think...

Immediately after the funeral, we headed back to San Francisco; Hank dropped me off at the airport, and I flew back to Palm Springs.  The flight was by way of Salt Lake City, but did have the benefit of being both cheap and uncrowded, and neighbor Michael was kind enough to pick me up from the airport (It's never too late to pick you up, Nora")...

So I was back in time for the gym, Zumba, the farmer's market and bridge on Thursday, an affirmation of life, you might say.  Bridge partner Alex is leaving to go back to Vancouver, so this was the last time we would play for a while (although we have arranged to play in Vancouver when I get back in May).Wish we could have played better - we weren't awful, but didn't make points either!

Friend Ken and I had arranged to meet for dinner on Thursday - we have hardly seen each other this season, for various reasons (his sadness at the loss of a good friend, diverging activities, etc.).  He had a new (to me) Mexican restaurant to share, Taqueria San Miguel....

It is, indeed, just like the taquerias in Mexico, and specializes in seafood.  Both the margaritas and the fish were superb, and it was good to catch up.

My friends Geoff and his partner Marvin had invited me to their lovely home on Friday afternoon for a retro afternoon......

....that (above), folks is a record player.  And, below, is a Victrola...

...note the crank handle on the right.  Both are in working order, and Geoff has records (including early acoustical - as opposed to electrical - records to play on them.  It was wonderful to hear Caruso and Chaliapin as they were originally heard.  I may just have to get me a Victrola (and the records to play on it), to go with my juke box.  And then, maybe a pinball machine.......

And to clinch the afternoon, we played Scrabble - live, on a board, and everything....

A wonderful afternoon, all in all.  One of the great things about the season has been getting to know these folks, and having them make me part of their lives.

To close up the week, bridge on Saturday morning with Cookie resulted in some points (we came in third overall in the room; finally - it has been a dry stretch - followed by an afternoon at the pool (I see another such afternoon in my future, after lunch today).

Finally, the reading goes on.  I did finish Not in God's Name.  I wish you guys would read it.  I would love to discuss it.  His solution?  The realization that a reading of the Bible shows that we are all brothers, and that there is no reason to fight - there are enough of God's blessings for everyone.  How he get's there though is fascinating, whether or you not you believe in God, or, for that matter, blessings, or that there is anyone left on the planet rational enough to listen.

Sacks, the author, referred to Victor Frankl, who was big in my crowd in the 80s, when everyone was searching for meaning.  So, I tried reading Victor Frankl's Search for Meaning, a biography.  Well, I don't know whether I thought I understood it in the 80s - I sure don't now.  So, that was tossed aside in favour of some light reading, Bruce Alexander's Murder on Grub Street, and Amitav Ghosh's Floor of Fire.  Finally, I just finished Javier Sierra's The Master of the Prado.  I think it was just one book to many, and I didn't have the patience - too much conspiracy theory, famous painters showing us the way to "the other side" through their paintings (thus avoiding the wrath of the Catholic church).

No, what I think I need now is some more movies..... 

.....something old, something new......

Back so soon?  Well, it helps that there has been a bit less frenetic activity this week.

First, some additional pictures from last week, contributed by friends for posting...

I have gotten heaps of accolades on the party.  I guess it will be back again by popular demand.  But maybe not next year.

So what have I been doing this week?  Well, there have been two opera opportunities, both at the movies.  On Monday evening there was an HD presentation of Berlioz' Faust from the Paris Opera.  This is not really an opera, but, rather, a series of vignettes on the general theme of....so, rather odd, but glorious music, and definitely worth seeing, especially as I had not seen it before.  And yesterday was the next-to-the-last Met opera simulcast, Roberto Deveroux, a Donizetti opera that is so rarely staged that as best as I can understand it, even the Met has not done it before.  Well, it was glorious, the music, the singing, the orchestra, the costumes, the sets, the staging, everything.  If you get a chance to see it, do.  But bring a handkerchief.....

There were the usual gym, zumba and bridge outings....

And one movie, Hello, My Name is Doris, with Sally Fields and Tyne Daly, among others.  It is supposed to be a comedy, about an older woman who falls for a younger - much, much younger - man.  I found it cringe making.  I didn't see it as a liberation from societal restraints.  I found it painful to watch someone making an ass of herself in order to try to grab some affection in her life.  I don't know how much that says about the movie or how much that says about me, and my inability to live life as large as I would have liked to, and making an ass of myself be damned.  But I was very sad - maybe even troubled...when I left the movie.....

This week was the start of the spring semester for the Osher classes (I will miss the end, as I am leaving the desert on May 16).  It was a week of "shorts", three hour seminars on Techie Talk, The Lost City of Atlantis, and My Beethoven (what a combination!).  All were quite informative in their different ways.  Atlantis, for example.  I don't think I have ever given it a minute's thought; now, well, I think there will be a few books on the subject in my future.  Upcoming full length courses include the second part of America and Islam, and another course on understanding movies.

Speaking of books, I left you last time with promises about sharing my current book list.  Nothing terribly intellectual this time, with two exceptions.  I read a few of Martha Grimes Richard Jury mysteries, and one "mystery" by Bruce Alexander, where the "mysteries" are investigated by a blind magistrate in England in the 19th century.  (I liked it well enough to get another out of the library Thursday.)  The first exception is The Fall of the Ottomans: The Great War in the Middle East.  Well, that is heavy going, not to mention depressing.  I think that will be a long term project.  The other exception is a book called Not in God's Name, by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks.  Wow.  It is an attempt to explain terror and killing in the name of god, and it is as good an explanation as I have ever read.  He promises to give a solution, but I haven't gotten there yet.  I think it is a "must read" for people looking for an answer to "why?".  I will try to remember to give you the answer next time.  Meanwhile, bless libraries, for confronting you with books you would ordinarily not read.

And the week ended with an abbreviated round of social events.  Thursday, I had dinner at Geoff and Tom's, probably the last I will see of them til I get back to Vancouver (where they also have a place - I can't say live, none of us live anywhere, or, better said, we all live everywhere).

Geoff has put the Palm Springs place on the market, the plan being to use the money tied up in real estate to travel instead.  A good plan, but meanwhile, we enjoyed the garden, the pool, the lights and the view, not to mention the barbeque.  And, for you scoffers, that is actually kale on my plate, and I actually ate it.  (However, if you put enough butter and garlic on anything it becomes edible.  I don't plan on making a habit of it!).  No really, it was a great dinner, and great conversation.  They are a valuable addition to my friendships here in the desert.

On Friday, I played bridge with Sandra, an old acquaintance but a new partner.  We retired to her place afterwards to lick our wounds (no, we didn't make any points, but, on the other hand, we didn't kill each other either.)  She has had a condo here since 1997, not too far from my place and very lovely.  (Sorry, I was too busy drinking her wine to take pictures.Next time.)

And finally, last night, another party at our complex, to celebrate jointly a number of recent (and upcoming) 80th birthdays.....

.....as you can see, the theme was Italian...

.....and Dick (one of celebrants) cooked up a great lasagna (antipasta, salads and garlic bread were contributed - there was enough garlic in the air to vanquish an army of vampiers...)

It was a great party.  I met a number of neighbors I had not met before, and, for a change, everyone dressed up for the occasion.  It was a great end to the week.

A few sad notes.  I found out from friend Hank that Bob Hyman, a former colleague from the Bank of America recently died.  And, closer to home, George, the long-time (33 years I am thinking?) husband and best friend of former colleague and friend Carolyn, died on Saturday at the age of 87, with Stage IV lymphoma.  Carolyn, is, of course, devastated.  I haven't seen them often in recent years (they lived in the boonies in Northern California), but we have always been in touch, and I have always been grateful for their ongoing support.  I am sorry it is my turn to provide the support, although I will happily do what I can.  I am shaken, though - too close.

And now that I have finished this post, I am off to the pool.  Not too many pool days left to work on that tan......

Party Central

Busy social scene this time, but first some of the flora and fauna that makes this place so glorious....

 ..this is the oleander by my driveway.  The smell is amazing....

...and part of my garden....

...oops.  I guess there was no fauna this time.  I'll try to capture the critters on camera next time.

Friend Dru is heading back to Canada, so we said goodbye over drinks at the Tropical, still my bar of choice for these things....

...not a good shot (sorry Dru), but it will have to do.....

I have mentioned our Thursday afternoon neighborhood pool parties.  It has been hot for sitting at the pool (as opposed to sitting in the pool, which is actually quite comfortable), so it turned into a lawn party in the shade last week.  (And yes, is is a good question:  why do we have lawns in the desert?  I don't know, but at least I can say they are small....)

Just a small selection of the people there.  It is not a large group - just some neighbors stopping by for a nosh and a chat.....

Continued my mini-course on documentary films, and friend Deb arrived from Vancouver.  She knew she had an open invitation, and decided at the last minute to come for Easter weekend.  She arrived on Good Friday, and like the obsessed bridge players that we are, we went from the airport to the bridge club, stopping only briefly to drop off the suitcase (top was down, of course...)

Saturday, we were off to the College of the Desert for some "Easter" shopping....

Whatever I have must be catching - Deb bought 5 hats!!!!  However, shopping is hot work, so we came home and spent what was left of the afternoon in the pool.  (No, still no pictures of anyone in the pool.  I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, not at our age.....)

Having discovered that the Palm Springs Art Gallery was open on Easter (apparently they don't consider it a major holiday....), we spent Sunday afternoon there.  There was an exhibition of Edward Curtis photographs which I had been told (rightly, as it turned out) was spectacular.  Below, Deb listens intently to our docent, who (as is always the case at PSAG) was knowledgeable and enthusiastic, and made the exhibit much more memorable than it would otherwise have been.

Then, we went on to see some of my old favourites.  These guys, for example.  I always want to say excuse me as I pass them at the top of the stairs, even though I know they are a sculpture....

The girls (Arlene and Deb - I called them "the girls" so long that it took me a while to sort out which was which) threw a wonderful Easter dinner.  They put a lot of work into the cooking, the table, and the decor, and it shows.  As you can see, everyone had a good time...

 

Who would have thought we could eat again?  Nonetheless, here we are the next day at Don and Sweet Sue's for brunch. (admittedly it was 1 P.M....)..

What else did we do?  Cruised downtown, ate Thai food (Thai Smile, quickly becoming a favourite), played some more bridge (I couldn't let down my usual Tuesday partner Robin, but Thursday partner Alex agreed to partner Deb).  Even nature put on a show, with this sunrise even more spectacular than normal.....

...it's times like these that I wish I had a had a better camera.....

And then, it was time for Deb to fly back to rainy Vancouver, having shared a bit of my life in the desert.

I had signed up (in conjunction with the above-noted class) for the Documentary Film Festival.  My review is, well, mixed.  I couldn't see them all, of course.  I did cram what I could in between the gym, zumba, bridge, and preparations for my party (see below, ad infinitum).  Of the ones I saw, a few were good.  One, about aging in place at home, in Cuba and Denmark, was excellent.  Others were amazingly self indulgent pieces of piffle, two of which I walked out on, even though I was sitting in front of the filmmakers in both cases (that is the thing about festivals in PS - a lot of the participants are around for Q & A's).  I mean, really, did she think she was the only person to have a problematic relationship with her mother?  Really?  And she didn't give me one good reason to care.....

But that's the thing with these festivals, you take your chances.  I might walk out, all right (at $9 a ticket, well, I have walked out of more expensive venues),but it is still worth seeing what's out there.

And now we get to the above-noted party. As you are probably not keeping track, I'll tell you that I am turning 70 this summer.  Some of you know that I have some health issues, so I did not think I would reach 60, much less 70.  I didn't particularly want to - my motto used to be "live fast, die young, and have a good looking corpse".  I said that until I was too old to say it any more (and, in truth, I never did live as fast as I thought I wanted to - too much risk-taking involved, I guess), but, at this point, I am having a pretty good time.  

In any event, it beats the alternative.  So I decided that I was going to be like the queen, and celebrate my birthday all year.  Most of the Canadians are in the process of leaving the desert, and if I was going to capture them for my party, it had to be now.  So, I threw myself a 70th birthday party on Sunday, April 3 (a mere three and a half months before my actual birthday!!!).

....caught having a pre-party drink....

....and preparing some of the way-too-much food...

....someone has to be first....(although I always have a few minutes when I think noone will show up...)

I didn't have a chance to take a head count, but people say that there were about 60 people there.  The food?  Well, let me say that it was excessive, even for me (David used to call me Ms Excess, for good reason).  However, neighbors, gym people, zumba people, bridge people, all mixed and merrily ate and drank, and apparently a good time was had by all.

Even by me, thanks in large part to friends Carolyn and Lou, without whom I would undoubtedly have collapsed in a heap long before it was over (thanks, guys, for everything).  I was going to do another "do" in Vancouver this summer, but I don't know.  Forgetting the cost (and I don't know as many people in Vancouver, so the size would be limited), these things are a lot of work.  I did indeed collapse in a heap after the last of the food was put away.

No time to rest, though.  The zumba group had the same thought - all the Canadians are leaving, time to give a party before they go.  One of the participants has a lovely Spanish-style villa near down town Palm Springs (about as far away, both physically and financially) from my mobile home as you can hope to be.  However, Dale was a truly gracious host....

....here's our gracious host now....

.......and I'm the one with the hat in the middle.....



And the house?  Well, you can see for yourselves.....

 Once again, we all left smiling.....

And I actually missed the party put on by my gym group, because I had company.  You see what I mean about party central?  (Not to worry, we will finish off with one more.)

Yes, my bridge boys decided to reprise their recent visits for another bridge marathon....

John, seen here resting after his obligatory 3-hour run....

(he came to my zumba class on Thursday as well, and impressed everyone by working up quite a sweat....)

Of course we also ate and drank (the party left-overs came in handy.....)

...here's John again, and Tom....

...and last but not least, Dennis....

...and Tom even barbequed some rib eyes for dinner one night....

..., and, of course, we played cards....

.....The boys treated us to a fine dinner at Spencers, the old PS favourite previously discussed in these pages...

....and more cards......

It is always hard to corral these guys to get down here, but once they come, they seem to have a good time.

They left on Friday, and on Saturday morning, the complex put on its annual spring pancake breakfast.....

  
.......about 35 people, and it seems to be a well loved tradition......

Well, that's it.  I was supposed to go to Opera in the Park on Sunday, but I was bushed.  If Scotty could have beamed me up, I might have gone - it is always a fun day - but I just couldn't manage any more logistics.  So I stayed at home, and cooked up the last of the party food and slept and read the papers and generally speaking recovered.

This week is the start of the spring semester of classes, and I will tell you about those (and the books I have read between all this running around) next time - I am right out of steam.

Ta ta, for now.