Oh, I'm fine, physically. It's just mentally that I seem to be losing it. Friends have dogs. They're gaga over their dogs. I feel nothing. I am not afraid of them. I don't hate them. I just feel none of the "Isn't that adorable" that I'm apparently supposed to feel. I don't even understand how they feel it. It is just totally foreign, like I am visiting from another planet and have to be told how to react. Children? Ditto, except they are more annoying than dogs. (When they were passing out the "want children" gene, I must have been standing behind the door.)
Friend Chaya from Palm Springs has been visiting all week, and so I have been taking her around to the various neighborhoods. Where she sees vibrant neighborhoods with benign hustle and bustle, I see prams taking up the sidewalk, screaming - and running (they are always running) - children, and dogs, everywhere.
When did I stop being able to relate to the human condition? I seem to care about nothing. Chaya - and other friends - are politically passionate and involved. I am removed.
Oh, I'm still interested, in an academic way. I read. I go to the theater. I try to understand. But, ultimately, I don't care.
Maybe I'm a sociopath.
Well, this sociopath did play tour guide all week as best I could, and we saw UBC, Point Grey, Kitsilano. Kerrisdale, and Granville Island. We even saw the downtown east side, homeless, addicts, drunks and all. For Chaya, it was an indication of the failure of society. I, on the other hand, couldn't find it in my heart to care very much - or, really, at all.
I even took Chaya to see Macbeth at Bard on the Beach. (It was a wonderful production; it never ceases to amaze me how relevant Shakespeare still is 400 years later.) Some of the lines could have been ripped out of the headlines of a newspaper, if anyone still read newspapers.
We had two meals at the Dosa House. Dosas are apparently a big thing in South India, where Chaya emmigrated from (many, many years past), and there are no - and I mean no - good Indian restaurants in Palm Springs. My choice was a big success!
On Friday night, I brought Chaya along to a previously planned dinner at friend Joanne's, loosely in honour of my upcoming birthday.
....here's Susan with Wally, one of the aforementioned dogs...
......okay, he is cute, but that is as far as I will go. And I will definitely NOT pick up one of those slimy toys and toss it for him. Here Joanne, out hostess, below.....
.....who deals with my curmudgeonly nature with a smile.
Below, Deidre, the organizer (and bringer of the cake)...
....and friend Chaya, who was a big hit with my colleagues.....
It was lovely to be feted, and I was hugely grateful. And yet. And yet. I was disconnected, somehow, as if I didn't belong there, among these lovely, happy, smart people, with families and dogs and activities to participate in.
And no, I don't need a lecture on how many friends I have and how much I do. In a way, that's the point. What the hell is the matter with me?
Chaya left Saturday, a little disillusioned with me, and my lack of empathy, I fear. I spent the rest of the day catching up with my Dottie Domestic duties - and nap time - and tried to shake my torpor with a long walk by the river. However, my listening material is currently Dostoevsky's The Devils - interesting, certainly, but not cheerful.
(My current nighttable book is not much better, a history of the Russian gulag by Anne Applebaum. Even the most recent murder mystery, another Peter Robinson, When the Music's Over, was depressing. Hey, there's a thought! Maybe I should change my reading material.....)
Today, another social outing, brunch at Heather's, a former colleague.
Below, Donna, Susan, and hostess Heather..
Again, good food, good conversation. I participated, all right, but, again, felt as though I were visiting from another planet.
Busy week next week, lots of different people. Let's hope I can do better....
Friend Chaya from Palm Springs has been visiting all week, and so I have been taking her around to the various neighborhoods. Where she sees vibrant neighborhoods with benign hustle and bustle, I see prams taking up the sidewalk, screaming - and running (they are always running) - children, and dogs, everywhere.
When did I stop being able to relate to the human condition? I seem to care about nothing. Chaya - and other friends - are politically passionate and involved. I am removed.
Oh, I'm still interested, in an academic way. I read. I go to the theater. I try to understand. But, ultimately, I don't care.
Maybe I'm a sociopath.
Well, this sociopath did play tour guide all week as best I could, and we saw UBC, Point Grey, Kitsilano. Kerrisdale, and Granville Island. We even saw the downtown east side, homeless, addicts, drunks and all. For Chaya, it was an indication of the failure of society. I, on the other hand, couldn't find it in my heart to care very much - or, really, at all.
I even took Chaya to see Macbeth at Bard on the Beach. (It was a wonderful production; it never ceases to amaze me how relevant Shakespeare still is 400 years later.) Some of the lines could have been ripped out of the headlines of a newspaper, if anyone still read newspapers.
We had two meals at the Dosa House. Dosas are apparently a big thing in South India, where Chaya emmigrated from (many, many years past), and there are no - and I mean no - good Indian restaurants in Palm Springs. My choice was a big success!
On Friday night, I brought Chaya along to a previously planned dinner at friend Joanne's, loosely in honour of my upcoming birthday.
....here's Susan with Wally, one of the aforementioned dogs...
......okay, he is cute, but that is as far as I will go. And I will definitely NOT pick up one of those slimy toys and toss it for him. Here Joanne, out hostess, below.....
.....who deals with my curmudgeonly nature with a smile.
Below, Deidre, the organizer (and bringer of the cake)...
....and friend Chaya, who was a big hit with my colleagues.....
It was lovely to be feted, and I was hugely grateful. And yet. And yet. I was disconnected, somehow, as if I didn't belong there, among these lovely, happy, smart people, with families and dogs and activities to participate in.
And no, I don't need a lecture on how many friends I have and how much I do. In a way, that's the point. What the hell is the matter with me?
Chaya left Saturday, a little disillusioned with me, and my lack of empathy, I fear. I spent the rest of the day catching up with my Dottie Domestic duties - and nap time - and tried to shake my torpor with a long walk by the river. However, my listening material is currently Dostoevsky's The Devils - interesting, certainly, but not cheerful.
(My current nighttable book is not much better, a history of the Russian gulag by Anne Applebaum. Even the most recent murder mystery, another Peter Robinson, When the Music's Over, was depressing. Hey, there's a thought! Maybe I should change my reading material.....)
Today, another social outing, brunch at Heather's, a former colleague.
Below, Donna, Susan, and hostess Heather..
Again, good food, good conversation. I participated, all right, but, again, felt as though I were visiting from another planet.
Busy week next week, lots of different people. Let's hope I can do better....
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