First, an error. Friend Lesley reminded me that I saw Venus in Fur with HER, in New York, not with Hank. She and I had a wonderful trip to New York a number of years ago, which was the occasion. No offense meant, Lesley. It is just that Hank has always been my "go to" person for the theater - an easy mistake to make.
Which brings up the topic of our histories, and how we chose to frame them. I used to say that my father was an inveterate liar, and I never knew what to believe of what he said. I'm feeling more charitable now. Or older. It seems to me we all have selective memories, and frame our history in some ways how we wish it was instead of how it really was. I know I do. No, I don't lie, or at least not consciously. But I am lucky to be blessed with a bad memory. I never remember the bad stuff; I only remember the good stuff. The result is that I am, and always have been, a glass half full rather than a glass half empty kind of person. It makes me happier.
So, omissions. Reading back over the last entries, I realized I hadn't told you about a recent date. Yes, children, I had a date. I probably failed to mention it because it was so awful. (See above, about only remembering the good stuff.) However, it is part of the grand tapestry, hence this report. He shall remain nameless. Suffice it to say that I have known him for some years from the gym, and he has always been friendly and warm and charming. When he asked to me to to dinner, I didn't think much of it. And the dinner itself was lovely - an out of the way Italian place which I would have never found on my own, where he was known and fawned over. The trouble started afterwards in my driveway, where I was feeling pressure to invite him in. I wasn't inclined to do so. For one thing, kissing him was like kissing a St Bernard; he slobbered. (God, I can hear you guys saying, women can be so cruel. And we can. But it is also true that he slobbered, and I did not find it attractive.). For another, I have not dated for such a long time - I think I need a bit of a warm up before any serious exertion could be thought of. (I'm not sure I can remember how.) And, finally, he was drunk. People are never as interesting - or as sexy - as they think they are when they are drunk. Suffice it to say, I disentangled myself, he went off mumbling, and I went inside to take a shower. We'll just chalk it up to practice.
Now, to bring you up to date. Friend Peter left just after Christmas, and the week between Christmas and New Years was quiet. There was nothing very much cultural going on, and I couldn't even rouse myself to go to the movies. It is always a time when I assess the old year and try to make plans to improve in the next. The last year or two have generally been good - good health, good travel, good friends - old and some new - but there have been losses as well, through death and otherwise, The deaths I have already told you about, with the exception of George, friend Carolyn's husband, who died I think about a year and a half ago. It is not that we were so close - Carolyn and George lived in upstate California (or in the boonies, if you prefer), so I did not see them that often. But Carolyn worked with David in the bank, and met George way back then. They were a part of our history, and now another part of that history is gone. He's on my list of people to raise a glass to. (So, I drink Bourbon for David, beer for Hank, and coffee for Art - he had been dry for 27 years when he died. What should I toast George with, Carolyn?)
The other losses are in some ways harder, as they have been self imposed. I have known Mariah for over 40 years, but it has always been at a distance. Our proximity here in Palm Springs has, I think, brought our friendship to an end. I began to find her too controlling, too manipulative, too judgmental - in short, too much like my stepmother. I had to accept that behaviour from my stepmother; I don't have to accept it from anyone else. Looking over my journals, I note that there have been a number of intimations over the years, so this is not really new. But one of the things that I have resolved to do is to fill my life with people I love and prune those who I do not. So, that branch has been pruned. I am happy to have done it - I don't find resentment and anger worthwhile emotions - but sorry for the loss as well.
The other branch was not as bit a part of the tree (that metaphor is wearing thin, no? enough). Deb was a colleague, and had become a friend in recent years. She had multiple problems, and I did indeed try to be supportive. Or at least, I thought I did. Apparently, I was mistaken. After yet another misdeed on my part - or so it was taken by her - I got en earful, cataloging everything from years and years back. I only remember the good stuff (see above); she apparently only remembers the bad stuff. Too much negativity for me. It is over, and for that I can say that I am truly not sorry.
So, the new year? As I have discussed with some of you, I have long since given up on doing something truly grand in my life; not enough brains, or, more importantly, not enough drive for that. So, what I would like to do - I've been trying for many years, but this is a work in progress - is develop the milk of human kindness, which does not flow naturally in my veins. I want to try to remember that everyone has a back story, and people's behaviour is not always - indeed, almost never - about me. So, the milk of human kindness, and making the lives of people who touch mine a little nicer than before thy saw me. That's not too high a bar, is it? (When you see me straying, let me know, my friends.)
In recent years, I have been spending New Year's Eve at the party here in the complex. But that is my other resolve - not to spend time with people I don't really like. This year, I made a nice dinner for myself (not that common an occurrence), had a nice glass of wine, and went to bed.
And now, the first week of the new year has come and gone. It included the usual round of bridge games, with an additional one on Tuesday, Friend Jim was taken to the hospital with pneumonia, and his partner (in life as well as bridge) called to ask if I would play. I hadn't played at Temple Isiah since I got here this season, so it was good to see old acquaintances who play there. The week also included the now semi-regular afternoon/evening of Scrabble, live and in person, at friends Marvin and Geoff., (Marvin is the Scrabble player; I met Geoff at the gym, and we now socialize quite regularly. So, new friends are being added). I still go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, for an hour of cardio and a half four of weight training. I am starting with a trainer on Tuesday and Thursday next week for a few months, in addition to the zumba. No new years resolutions required. I just feel grateful every day that I can still do all this, so I drag my sorry carcass there every day (weekends excepted, of course) and do the best I can.
What else? I remember I used to report on my reading. Well, there has been too much book reading for me to tall you all of that. I still read the Sunday New York Times. Peter always brings his old New Yorkers, so I have been binge reading those since he left. I am already looking forward to John's visit in 10 days - he has promised to bring a suitcase full of Economists. A few books of note stand out. In anticipation of the trip to Russia next summer, I read Toew's book called A Gentleman in Moscow. It was a charming book, an elegy almost. I liked it so well, I sought out his earlier (and first) book, Rules of Civility. Also loved it. Also in the Russia vein, there has been a new translation of Crime and Punishment (amazing what leaps out at you in the library). I hadn't read it for, what, 50 years? It was time for a re-read, and, if memory serves, this made it an easier go. Rushdie's new book, the Golden Family, was, I think, an improvement over his recent forays, but I am, in any event, a fan.
Not in God's Name, by Sacks (not Oliver). When we are talking about Israel, remind me to get back to this.
Finally, another old favourite revisited; Anne Tyler's Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant.
Currently reading: The Romanov's, by Simon Montefiore. It is a door stopper - I will be at that one for a while. And in various piles around the house:
A Confidential Matter: The letters of Richard Strauss and Stefan Zweig, 1931-1935. This was lent to me by Geoff. (That;s two of us in Palm Springs who know who Stefan Zweig was! He was my father's favourite author.)
Lofti Mansouri: an Operatic Journey. This was a Christmas present from Peter. He (Mansouri, not Peter) was the director of the San Francisco opera during our time there, so should be an interesting read.
Influencing Hemingway, by Nancy Sindelar. She taught the course on Hemingway I took in the fall, so it is an autographed copy. I am looking forward to it.
Citizens of London: The Americans who Stood with Britain in its Darkest, Finest hour. This is by Lynne Olson, and given to me by friend Arlene. (Last summer, I might add. Time to get to it. And no, I have not seen The Darkest Hour.)
Optimism Over Despair: On Capitalism, Empire and Social Change, by Noam Chomsky. I don't know when I will get to that one.
And, currently out of the library: Philip Kerr's Prussion Blue, recently reviewed in the New York Times. And God, a Human History, by Reza Aslan.
How did I ever have time to work?
Well, that's all for now. I will remind myself how to post pictures for the next post - If nothing else, I can show you my place, and me. I can't promise that I won't post pictures of food, but they will be infrequent.
Which brings up the topic of our histories, and how we chose to frame them. I used to say that my father was an inveterate liar, and I never knew what to believe of what he said. I'm feeling more charitable now. Or older. It seems to me we all have selective memories, and frame our history in some ways how we wish it was instead of how it really was. I know I do. No, I don't lie, or at least not consciously. But I am lucky to be blessed with a bad memory. I never remember the bad stuff; I only remember the good stuff. The result is that I am, and always have been, a glass half full rather than a glass half empty kind of person. It makes me happier.
So, omissions. Reading back over the last entries, I realized I hadn't told you about a recent date. Yes, children, I had a date. I probably failed to mention it because it was so awful. (See above, about only remembering the good stuff.) However, it is part of the grand tapestry, hence this report. He shall remain nameless. Suffice it to say that I have known him for some years from the gym, and he has always been friendly and warm and charming. When he asked to me to to dinner, I didn't think much of it. And the dinner itself was lovely - an out of the way Italian place which I would have never found on my own, where he was known and fawned over. The trouble started afterwards in my driveway, where I was feeling pressure to invite him in. I wasn't inclined to do so. For one thing, kissing him was like kissing a St Bernard; he slobbered. (God, I can hear you guys saying, women can be so cruel. And we can. But it is also true that he slobbered, and I did not find it attractive.). For another, I have not dated for such a long time - I think I need a bit of a warm up before any serious exertion could be thought of. (I'm not sure I can remember how.) And, finally, he was drunk. People are never as interesting - or as sexy - as they think they are when they are drunk. Suffice it to say, I disentangled myself, he went off mumbling, and I went inside to take a shower. We'll just chalk it up to practice.
Now, to bring you up to date. Friend Peter left just after Christmas, and the week between Christmas and New Years was quiet. There was nothing very much cultural going on, and I couldn't even rouse myself to go to the movies. It is always a time when I assess the old year and try to make plans to improve in the next. The last year or two have generally been good - good health, good travel, good friends - old and some new - but there have been losses as well, through death and otherwise, The deaths I have already told you about, with the exception of George, friend Carolyn's husband, who died I think about a year and a half ago. It is not that we were so close - Carolyn and George lived in upstate California (or in the boonies, if you prefer), so I did not see them that often. But Carolyn worked with David in the bank, and met George way back then. They were a part of our history, and now another part of that history is gone. He's on my list of people to raise a glass to. (So, I drink Bourbon for David, beer for Hank, and coffee for Art - he had been dry for 27 years when he died. What should I toast George with, Carolyn?)
The other losses are in some ways harder, as they have been self imposed. I have known Mariah for over 40 years, but it has always been at a distance. Our proximity here in Palm Springs has, I think, brought our friendship to an end. I began to find her too controlling, too manipulative, too judgmental - in short, too much like my stepmother. I had to accept that behaviour from my stepmother; I don't have to accept it from anyone else. Looking over my journals, I note that there have been a number of intimations over the years, so this is not really new. But one of the things that I have resolved to do is to fill my life with people I love and prune those who I do not. So, that branch has been pruned. I am happy to have done it - I don't find resentment and anger worthwhile emotions - but sorry for the loss as well.
The other branch was not as bit a part of the tree (that metaphor is wearing thin, no? enough). Deb was a colleague, and had become a friend in recent years. She had multiple problems, and I did indeed try to be supportive. Or at least, I thought I did. Apparently, I was mistaken. After yet another misdeed on my part - or so it was taken by her - I got en earful, cataloging everything from years and years back. I only remember the good stuff (see above); she apparently only remembers the bad stuff. Too much negativity for me. It is over, and for that I can say that I am truly not sorry.
So, the new year? As I have discussed with some of you, I have long since given up on doing something truly grand in my life; not enough brains, or, more importantly, not enough drive for that. So, what I would like to do - I've been trying for many years, but this is a work in progress - is develop the milk of human kindness, which does not flow naturally in my veins. I want to try to remember that everyone has a back story, and people's behaviour is not always - indeed, almost never - about me. So, the milk of human kindness, and making the lives of people who touch mine a little nicer than before thy saw me. That's not too high a bar, is it? (When you see me straying, let me know, my friends.)
In recent years, I have been spending New Year's Eve at the party here in the complex. But that is my other resolve - not to spend time with people I don't really like. This year, I made a nice dinner for myself (not that common an occurrence), had a nice glass of wine, and went to bed.
And now, the first week of the new year has come and gone. It included the usual round of bridge games, with an additional one on Tuesday, Friend Jim was taken to the hospital with pneumonia, and his partner (in life as well as bridge) called to ask if I would play. I hadn't played at Temple Isiah since I got here this season, so it was good to see old acquaintances who play there. The week also included the now semi-regular afternoon/evening of Scrabble, live and in person, at friends Marvin and Geoff., (Marvin is the Scrabble player; I met Geoff at the gym, and we now socialize quite regularly. So, new friends are being added). I still go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, for an hour of cardio and a half four of weight training. I am starting with a trainer on Tuesday and Thursday next week for a few months, in addition to the zumba. No new years resolutions required. I just feel grateful every day that I can still do all this, so I drag my sorry carcass there every day (weekends excepted, of course) and do the best I can.
What else? I remember I used to report on my reading. Well, there has been too much book reading for me to tall you all of that. I still read the Sunday New York Times. Peter always brings his old New Yorkers, so I have been binge reading those since he left. I am already looking forward to John's visit in 10 days - he has promised to bring a suitcase full of Economists. A few books of note stand out. In anticipation of the trip to Russia next summer, I read Toew's book called A Gentleman in Moscow. It was a charming book, an elegy almost. I liked it so well, I sought out his earlier (and first) book, Rules of Civility. Also loved it. Also in the Russia vein, there has been a new translation of Crime and Punishment (amazing what leaps out at you in the library). I hadn't read it for, what, 50 years? It was time for a re-read, and, if memory serves, this made it an easier go. Rushdie's new book, the Golden Family, was, I think, an improvement over his recent forays, but I am, in any event, a fan.
Not in God's Name, by Sacks (not Oliver). When we are talking about Israel, remind me to get back to this.
Finally, another old favourite revisited; Anne Tyler's Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant.
Currently reading: The Romanov's, by Simon Montefiore. It is a door stopper - I will be at that one for a while. And in various piles around the house:
A Confidential Matter: The letters of Richard Strauss and Stefan Zweig, 1931-1935. This was lent to me by Geoff. (That;s two of us in Palm Springs who know who Stefan Zweig was! He was my father's favourite author.)
Lofti Mansouri: an Operatic Journey. This was a Christmas present from Peter. He (Mansouri, not Peter) was the director of the San Francisco opera during our time there, so should be an interesting read.
Influencing Hemingway, by Nancy Sindelar. She taught the course on Hemingway I took in the fall, so it is an autographed copy. I am looking forward to it.
Citizens of London: The Americans who Stood with Britain in its Darkest, Finest hour. This is by Lynne Olson, and given to me by friend Arlene. (Last summer, I might add. Time to get to it. And no, I have not seen The Darkest Hour.)
Optimism Over Despair: On Capitalism, Empire and Social Change, by Noam Chomsky. I don't know when I will get to that one.
And, currently out of the library: Philip Kerr's Prussion Blue, recently reviewed in the New York Times. And God, a Human History, by Reza Aslan.
How did I ever have time to work?
Well, that's all for now. I will remind myself how to post pictures for the next post - If nothing else, I can show you my place, and me. I can't promise that I won't post pictures of food, but they will be infrequent.
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